WARNING: This website was created by me years ago, it is no longer relevant to myself or my current views. It is here as HUMOR. -Don

DON'S BIG PIMPIN' WEBLOG!! w00t!!

PHRASE OF THE DAY:

Oct 13
sorry for not updating, ive been kinda lazy lately and havnt had anything to write about =(... i'll still update just not as much, like once a week or somehting.
i've been having some trouble in linux in the past couple days so this made me think to write a guide on how to be 1337.

DON's FABULOUS GUIDE ON 1337NESS!

1. Hair. The far most important aspect of a person who is 1337 is long, greasy hair. sometimes topped with a hat for a little bit extra effect. May be pony tailed but usually that is a sign of 1337 denial.

2. Operating System. Must have a Linux machine, or something else 1337 like it, any windows version greater than or equal to 3.1 is NOT 1337. May still have a windows machine but usage must be used sparingly in only dire situations.

3. Major. Recommended to be a computer science major... information systems majors and computer engineering majors can be considered 1337, too, but definately not as 1337. Some people who are "too good" to be a compsci major may be considered 1337 too, such as math or physics majors or other scientific majors.

4. Weight. Must be either really skinny or overweight. Never ever should be buff -- by any sense of the word.

5. Games. Games are very important to someone who is 1337. true 1337 games are always old and are always hardcore. Such games as Doom, Diablo1, Lemmings and Bananas (from QBasic) are all considered 1337, along with many other games. Since these old games can get boring, people can still play new games such as WarCraft III, EverQuest or other, usually online, games and still remain 1337, eventhough it does not advance one's 1337ness.

6. Females. HAHAHA! a girlfriend?? huh??? you wish.

7. Overall hygene. Or lack of. Shower only sparingly, never make your bed, let trash accumulate, brush teeth only when necesary. It is important that hygene is still kept at a sertain level... usually a good indicator when somehting has to be done is when you keep asking people who farted -- when in reality it is just your BO. Another good indicator is when you can't fall asleep because your own smell is keeping you up.

There are plenty of other guidelines, but these will be leared in time out of experience. These will just get you started.

I started looking around at pictures from last year in mike's directory full of UMBC pictures when i started writing this log, because i was far more 1337 back then than i am today... which is a good thing and a bad thing, depending on how you look at it... hehehe. so here are some pictures, which i have circled some things which i will call exhibits of the 1337 lifestyle.

First, let me mention that the title of this picture in mike's archive is "After Don cleaned his side of the room".... hehehe... acctually thats quite accurate, i was sad that i wasnt able to find a picture of when i had trash and cloths piled up to my mattress.
Exhibit A. Blank CDs.
Exhibit B. Random computer hardware laying around.
Exhibit C. Misc. trash laying around and being collected. Soda and oreo boxes give insight on the this 1337 subject's diet.
Exhibit D. CLEAN cloths in the laundry basket. Too lazy to put the cloths in my dressers, so kept clean cloths in the basket, and dirty cloths on the floor.
Exhibit E. Unmade bed... usually the sheet came off in my sleep and my back would get stuck to the mattress.

Me weariing a sign that i wore around for a few days. if you can't read it it says "I AM 1337 pr06r4m3r!! ph34r! U R L4M3R!".. translating it is your job =P.
Exhibit F. "The Whole Internet Poster" -- just random geek stuff, and a wicked cool poster about the internet is perfect.
Exhibit G. This sign shows that a 1337 person must have pride in his 1337ness... if one has no pride in his 1337ness, he has nothing to be proud about. gotta be proud of something =).
Exhibit H. Cool government association shirts are a plus, such as CIA or NSA shirts.

Exhibit I. Long, greasy hair, yay.
Exhibit J. More random trash, also displaying the natural diet... oreos and soda.
Exhibit K. OREOS!! Asians have rice, hispanics have tortillas, italians have pasta, 1337ians have oreos.
Exhibit L. Nonstop gaming!
Exhibit M. Nasty overgrown unkept sideburns work very well in delivering "i am hella 1337" message.

a picture of me after getting my hair trimmed. I just noticed that there are 2 exhibit Ns after having the pictures uploaded and everything, im sure my readers are smart enough to figure it out...... haha
Exhibit N. Having a roomate that has posters of cars and scandelous women and that has a girlfriend is a very helpful way to show 1337ness... the contrast makes you look far more 1337 in comparison to your roomate... and also makes your roomate look a lot better, mutual goodness. =) Exhibit N (oops). Acne! lack of hygene!

LENNY!! yay!! poor angry bastard is dead =(
Exhibit O. Having an exotic pet, such as Lenny the Lobster, is not required but definately is very 1337.

Wow, another picture with me in my chair... seeing a trend?
Exhibit P. Oversized midsection, a good sign of a bad diet and no physical activity...
Exhibit Q. Linux!! woot!!
Exhibit R. Darkness, the natural environment of a 1337 person is darkness, the only light is a glow from a computer monitor.
Exhibit S. More trash... wonder why there is water and not soda, i honestly dont remember why the hell i would ever drink water... maybe i ran out of soda or something.

Picture of Kodi, one of mike's friends, with a vacuum cleaner. Notice the everquest poster and the abundance of trash under my bed.
Exhibit T. Me playing warcraft when there is a female in my room that any normal guy would be paying attention to. Nothing can take a 1337 person from their games!

1337 MACHINES! i feel bad for all the people who have seen the rest of the 1337 machine pictures and i am refreshing them in your mind.
Exhibit U. An alternate superhero-like persona such as a 1337 machine. me and mike ran around in our costumes in the hallway... shoulda seen peoples' faces.. haha =)

ooh look... don in his chair... we havn't seen this one before.
Exhibit V. Everquest poster. 'nuff said.

Making fun of yourself from a year ago is plenty of fun, because you can have at it and the person doesnt get pissed at all! I am not nearly as 1337 as i use to be but my many years of 1337ness hopefully helped you people in your dreams of achieving true 1337ness! For you people who think being 1337 is gross... screw you! oh wait... i was gross.. yeaa... being 1337 is kinda gross... hmm...